LARRY KIRSCHNER

Jan 20, 2018

If I’m looking through an online dating ap and see a beautiful woman who’s my age, makes a ton of money and lives nearby but she’s wearing a Patriots jersey, do I swipe left or swipe left and then throw away my phone?

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Dec 14, 2018

Is the shit stuck to a reindeer’s fur called a “jingleberry?”

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Nov 30, 2018

The Oxford comma is the pretentious douche of the punctuation world.

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Oct 19, 2018

Tom Hardy uses an alien symbiote to send money over the internet in... “Venmo.”

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Oct 17, 2018

What if Charlie Brown’s teachers don’t actually talk weird. Maybe Charlie Brown had a stroke.

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Oct 10, 2018

FUN FACT: The words “venn” and “diagram” have no letters in common.

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Sept 26, 2018

I’ll give Cosby this: it takes a lot of star power to be the most notable predator in Hollywood while there is literally a big budget movie out called “The Predator.”
 

Sept 25, 2018

I was just on website to confirm my voter registration and it wouldn't let me submit a form because "sex is required." Man, voting rules get more complicated every year.

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March 12, 2018

The conductor of the Metropolitan Opera has been fired over sexual misconduct. He must have touched someone in their most private aria.

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February 23, 2018

Arming teachers to stop school shooters is like giving all the counselors at Crystal Lake machetes. I'm sure Jason would have just moved to Montana to live on a ranch.

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July 28, 2017

Coming up with ideas while sitting on the toilet will now be called "brownstorming."

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